Frustrated. Falling out of a head. Bleeding out of my ears. Ahead of a fall and unable to stop it. An uptick in accidental death. Ticked off. Pissed. Piss drunk to deal. Trying to steal things that I already stole but forgot about. Dealt like cards. Annoyed. Noiseless screaming. Drowning by yourself. An ocean of misgivings. A boat with holes. Devastation followed by retribution followed by undoing followed by redemption. Distraught. Stray dog mentality. Straying away from center. Tension headaches. Hurting others first. Healing a wound. Finding relief over a high-pitched frequency. Losing belief under the table. Peeved by nothing but everything. Down for anything. It’s up whenever you want it to be. We can go outside to handle things. Broken and waiting for my bones to be set in the correct position. Red. Read. Headless. Betting on the last place horse. Terrified of going overboard. Tortured by symptoms. Lost. Loss of the plot. Livid. Ready to rumble. The chop liver you get turned into. Upset in broad daylight crying into the phone as you walk down the street. Hiding your snot from the front-facing camera. Stopped. Stooped over. Stood up. Set off. Set up. Sat down. Shut up. Defeated. Sorrow. Full of sorrow as a matter of fact. No room for anything else. Sorry. Made of brown slime. Bothered and bothersome. Brought down into a primordial ooze. Busted. Locked down. Backed up. Backtracking after you’ve found the plot again. The fifth second after falling on concrete at high speed. Rocked. Stone-cold. Cold-blooded. Blood-curdling. Boiling on the inside. Bodybagged. Over it. Overblown. Blown. In too deep. Spited. Spitting mad behind my mask getting the top of my nose wet. Tearful. On a tear. Torn through like omni man on the immortal. Bugged. Buggin. Bug chaser. Bug eraser. Bug replacer. Elevated. Escalated. Seething. Toothy. Ready to go. Engaged in a duel. Armed. On guard. Fenced in. Trapped in a calcium deposit. Receiving the wrong donor organ. Rejected. Sworn. Damned. Damn! Agitated. Ambushed. Ambulatory care. Bamboozled. Biting cheek instead of bazooka bubblegum. Burning. Crossed. Shot at. Bowed. Floored. Jawed. Salty. Spicy garlic smelling motherfucker. Zesty. Gone. Or something like that. Wound up. Watched handily. Found out. Floundering. Spiraling. Erratic. Backhanded. Fronted. Hard-headed. Thin-skinned. Thick-skulled. Rushed. Combative. Bat-shit. Stir-crazy. Fired up. Full send. O.C. Odee. Over the edge. Out of sort. Unsorted. Sort of annoyed. Undressed. Unaddressed. Extra. Thorny. Glowing (hot.) Piping (hot). Rotten. Festering. Sore. Sour. Sick. Fighting. Lighting a molotov. Lightning quick. Biting. Chirping. Called out. Caught out. Caught up. Lacking. Clipped wings. Flown coops. Flying coupes. Bottled. Cursed. Doomed. Slammed. Prepped. Propped. Accelerated. Poked. Prodded. In the way. Blocked. Guilty. Innocent in the way victims of fate are. Coded. Loaded. Baked. Popped. Strung along. Hung up. Blitzed. Caned. Swallowed. Buttered. Battered. Pancaked. Slain. Laid down. Afraid. Eyed. Unseen. Overlooked. Overcooked. Backstabbed? Stand back! Stuck. Stagnant. Subjected. Drugged. Dug in. Slugfight. Dogfight. Catty. Deprived. Depraved. Staring. Survival. Kill what you hunt. Thou shall not throw. Stoned to death. Glass-housed. Ass out. Cowardly. Lying. Misheard. People dying. Misunderstood. Too fast. Unintentional. Fully intentional. Limited. Lashed. Tongue in cheek.

[September 28, 2020, 9:00AM]

Subject: Progress on Operation Cain

To Mr. President,

Please actually read this brief. We’re willing to give you a treat if you do. Remember that rapper you freed from Sweden? There’s a guy that white people sometimes confuse him with. His name is Travis Scott. He…

Desperate for a button I can press

that revokes some people’s ability to

use adverbs they don’t deserve like

peacefully and hopefully

Desperate to be recognized

for multiple talents

and singular mindset

Desperation is false identification

but I lay my head down anyway

every day

in hopes to be inconspicuous

Desperation smells like sour water

off the Gowanus

canal

I’m desperate to feel

like getting rich is something

that matters what exactly

does it…

Our bodies go to war

when we both eat ice cream and sleep back to back

Actual war

makes me remember you when we were 18

War is non-refundable

so it’s important to come with exact change

War makes me write

like I know how good I am

War requires

  • sadness
  • dirt
  • happiness
  • bleach

War is a package deal

from Ted Kaczynski

I wage war

in moments where I just want to hear myself…

Larenz Brown

New York, NY larenzb@gmail.com

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